Sometimes we can spend weeks and months trying to know if a relationship is over and if we need to break up. However, there are some clear signs to look out for that the relationship isn’t working or at least needs serious work. With that in mind, we’ve spoken to relationship and sex experts who tell us their professional advice on when it’s time to call it quits on your relationship.
You’re failing to communicate…
“Communication is so essential to a relationship, that the lack thereof can be a sign that the relationship is on its way out,” says Rachel DeAlto, a relationship expert. “Are either of you no longer talking about issues or communicating about things that bother you? That is a huge sign that one of you has checked out.”
Failing to communicate will leave a big void in your relationship and cause minor problems to spiral into unnecessary issues. Try going for an afternoon walk or book a table at your local restaurant, with no distractions the conversation should flow more easily. If it proves to be difficult and it becomes apparent that you simply just don’t care anymore, then you know what to do…
You’ve gone off sex
Having a healthy sex life, and one that suits both your sexual desires, is important for every relationship. But, if your bedroom time has gone from exciting and experimental to dull and repetitive, then it’s time to decide why.
Rachel says, “If your sex life has gone from 60 to 0, it is a bad sign that your relationship is on the fritz. A little ebb and flow of desire is normal, but if one of you has lost the desire completely (without any underlying medical condition involved) it might be time to end it.”
If you’re not quite ready to call it a day, try speaking to a professional sex therapist or counsellor about why you might be feeling less like sex. If you’re both still not jumping into the bedroom then maybe your relationship is more suited to being just a friendship.
At the beginning of your relationship, their romantic gestures came thick and fast and every little indication of their affection would ignite the flame of excitement in you. But now the honeymoon period is over, your time together is more about staying in front of the telly rather then romantic meals and walks in the park.
While this isn’t necessarily time to call it quits immediately, do let them know you need some more excitement again, even if it’s a case of simply making a date at your local restaurant. If they fail to make the effort then it’s time to question just how much this relationship means to each of you. If they aren’t interested then why should you be?
You pick fights
Picking fights with your loved one is a sign of irritation and unfortunately, the beginning of the end. Rachel says, “Often people tend to start picking fights when they feel a relationship is at its end. They are trying to get their partner to do the dirty work and break it off.”
So if the small things that never used to bother you are now more infuriating then cute, it’s time to move on to someone where you can spend your time snogging, rather than arguing.
You avoid future plans
Does the thought of spending more time with your S/O than necessary fill you with dread? Then you need to have a serious relationship overhaul! Being in love should never be a chore or require too much effort. In fact, you should be counting down the days to booking another romantic trip or having that quiet evening you’ve planned together.
So what if you’re not? Well, you can’t MAKE yourself want to spend time with someone, try doing something you’re both interested in to give your relationship one last shot. If you still want to avoid them afterwards, then it’s time to avoid the relationship altogether.
You don’t feel affectionate
Can you remember the last time you missed your partner? Do you often tell them you love them? Love snuggling up for a cuddle? If these feelings and expressions have become a thing of the past, then your relationship needs a emotional overhaul. If you don’t want to embrace your S/O or you wouldn’t miss them if they left, then its time to move on.
You start daydreaming…
We’re talking about full-on daydreams of your life as a single person, or how you’re going to attract someone new. “If you start daydreaming about other people, imagining your life as a single human, and fantasising about the next person you want to date, your relationship is basically over. You have already started to emotionally detach,” she says.
So if you find yourself drifting into sweet dreams about everyone other than your partner, you need to question just why that is. Have you fallen out of love? Do they fail to float your boat? Or are they just boring you? Either way, it’s them you should be dreaming about, so you need to rethink if you have a wandering mind.
You fight constantly
A spat of words in a relationship is a great way to vent and can actually be healthy, after all, it shows you both still care. If you get to a point however, when you can no longer resolve the issues and just fight ALL the time, you need to think about how you want to continue in the relationship. If you find you both still have the desire to sort things out, you could be in with a chance of reviving your relationship. If there’s no want, then unfortunately there’s no relationship.
You’ve lost interest
At the beginning of a relationship, you were inseparable. You embark on endless text convos about what you’re up to, late night phone calls to see how their day went, and go on spontaneous dates so you can spend even more time together. Once chatting about these general day-to-day topics no longer interests either of you, it’s time to decide whether you’ve outgrown each another.
“In love, you know your relationship is over when you become completely indifferent to them,” says Rachel. “If you don’t care what they do, where they go or whether you even see them, it is time to move on.” Shel adds, “The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference,” so if you don’t feel anything strong, then the passion has definitely left the building!
It is not impossible to get over the fact your partner cheated, many couples do it and can become stronger as a result. For some of us however, it’s a tough hurdle to jump.
“Cheating in a relationship is always damaging. There are many factors that come into play when deciding if it’s time to call it quits, but it all comes down to whether you can rebuild the trust,” says Rachel DeAlto. “If you cannot forgive and trust them again, it’s better to walk away.”
Try a romantic break to see if you can rekindle some romance and remember why you fell in love. If you still can’t get over a past infidelity, then you need to consider that this breach of trust may just not be something you will ever get over.
From Cosmopolitan UK