This can be a divisive topic, so we tapped Vienna C. Pharaon, LMFT, to share the pros and cons of fexting.
1. What are your thoughts on fighting with your partner over text?
It might be a tool that lets someone say something that they might not normally feel comfortable expressing if they were face to face. It can open up important conversations that might otherwise go unaddressed or avoided, but it’s also a way to remain avoidant and disconnected through what could be a very intimate moment in a relationship.
2. What are the drawbacks of fexting?
3. Are there any benefits to fexting?
4. What are some tips for de-escalating a fight that’s going on over text?
If it’s available to you, meaning you have some emotional care left in the tank, you might remind the person that you love them and that what’s upsetting them is important to you. You can share that you want to hear them, but you’d like to do it when you’re together. Sometimes if we’re not too deep into the argument, we can try to usher ourselves back to the agreements with gentle, assuring, and loving reminders.
5. What tips do you have for avoiding getting into fights over text in the first place?
You might have a code word that you use to remind you that arguing through text is not a part of the plan and that you’re going to pause future communication until you can get face to face with one another.