Dr. Gary Chapman is the author of the best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages, and naturally, the premier expert on the subject. He broke them down in detail for those of us that need a refresher, because his first suggestion in applying this knowledge is to learn your own primary love language. And, don’t get too caught up in choosing just one. If you feel torn between two, Dr. Chapman assures us that we are simply bilingual, and we think that’s adorable.
Dr. Chapman encourages us to listen for these words or at least a rendition of them: “When your loved one says ‘I don’t feel loved,’ listen to what they ask for most often, or what they complain about when there is tension in the air. They are telling you how they want to be loved. For instance, ‘you never spend time with me’ is a desire for quality time. Or, ‘would you rub my shoulders’ is a request for physical touch. If you see a pattern, ask them questions about what things you can do to make them feel loved.”
After that, it’s vital that we communicate what we’ve learned about ourselves with the one we want most to love us. Dr. Chapman urges us to talk about specific ways to show how our partners and lovers can speak our love language, and listen to them give ideas on how you can begin to speak theirs. If it’s well received, Dr. Chapman assures that “it will improve the emotional climate of your relationship.” If not, it may be time to cut our losses. Study up on the languages below:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
If an ah-ha moment didn’t just occur to you scanning these descriptions by Dr. Chapman, try heading to his website for the quiz. It’ll help solidify any uncertainties and get you fluent in your own needs, stat.